Your face is a jimmy john
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
