okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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