I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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