Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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