i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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