I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
