i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
