two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
