Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
