I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We're too hungover to prance.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
