My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
