Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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