it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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