i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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