apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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