i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
