i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
