I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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