ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
