ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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