i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
