Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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