The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
