U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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