I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
