And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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