i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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