Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
