fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
