rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
