what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
