Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This house was built for laser tag.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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