saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Four minutes until I can fart!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
