We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
