Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
