is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
