Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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