I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
