literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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