So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
