We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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