and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
