hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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