It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
