It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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