Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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