I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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