dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
