I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
