I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
