Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
