we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
