u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
